We have often been taught that “I hate you” is the opposite of “I love you”. So if you love someone you cannot hate them. And if you hate someone you cannot love them.
Sadly, that’s not always the case. As humans, we are very complex and sophisticated emotional beings. And very often we find ourselves in Love-Hate relationships that just seem to confuse us.
In reality, ‘Love’ and ‘Hatred’ are 2 separate emotions. And the human mind is capable of feeling both at the same time towards the same person. And in no way does hatred demean love or decrease our feeling of love.
For example – Mary loves her husband John. She has no doubt about it. But she also carries a lot of hatred and rage towards him for the way he has behaved with her in the last few months. She feels it, but cannot acknowledge it because she is scared. “If I hate him, how could I claim to love him?”, she thinks to herself. She is scared that if she expresses her hatred, she might do something irreversible and they might never be able to fix the relationship. She is scared that if she acknowledges her own hatred of his behaviour, she might sow the seeds of a break-up. And this starts eating at her from within. Her system wants to express the hatred because she feels it. But she is scared and suppresses it all. At best she can express anger; but not the hatred. She does not realise that her love for her husband is distinct and need not be touched by her feeling of hate.
In reality, hatred is a lot of rage that has solidified. If anger and rage are like hot lava from a volcano, boiling and ready to erupt anytime, hatred is the same lava that has solidified. Hatred is usually intense rage that has gone cold.
Over time, Mary burns herself out suppressing all that intense emotion for her husband. She suppresses so much hatred for her husband that eventually she has to go away from him in order to feel love.
How would it be if you allowed yourself to acknowledge hatred as well? Sometimes just the acknowledgment of the emotion creates a deep sense of calm and peace. Just the ability to tell yourself that it is OK to feel hatred for someone you love, can give you tremendous relief.
Have you found yourself actually feeling hatred for someone you truly love, and then feeling confused whether you love the person or not?